I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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