I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
