I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
