6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
