Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
