in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
