i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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