I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
