if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
