Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
