So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
