Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were trust falling into bushes
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