in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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