If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
