Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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