So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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