she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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