He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
