Acid is not a monday night drug
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
