if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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