I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am spending my child support on dildos
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
