But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Randomize
