Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
