I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
