Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
