Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
