Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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