I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
