idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
