god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
