I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
