I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
