pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
