I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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