I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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