Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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