By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
