my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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