so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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