Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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