We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
