Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
