dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
