The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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