a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
