I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
