Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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