Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
we're so committed to being not committed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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