Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
