now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
