Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
