Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
